


I Wanna Hold Your Hand

by TintedPink



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10029911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TintedPink/pseuds/TintedPink
Summary: You have no way to know if someone is your soul mate until you hold hands. Hand shaking developed as a way to help people find their soul mates faster. Tony Stark doesn't shake hands. Steve really wishes that he did.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still getting used to my SteveTony head space, so please be kind. I know that Tony's characterization is a little off, but I'm working on it. I just needed more practice with Steve and Tony, so the world building is really sloppy. Sorry about that.  
> Thanks ahead if you read this.

 

Tony did not shake people’s hands. He didn’t care what the custom was. He didn’t care what people said about it. Tony did not shake people’s hands. He had avoided shaking hands for the last ten years, and he’d avoid it for the rest of his life if he could. When Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, fixed Tony with what would come to be known as the “Captain America is Disappointed in You” look Tony didn’t even flinch. Tony didn’t shake hands and he wasn’t going to change that for a ninety year old super soldier.

When the avengers move into the tower Tony doesn’t think much of it. They’ll just be hanging around on their own floors, maybe enjoying some of the more communal areas. He doesn’t expect anyone to come down to his lab to see him, and he certainly doesn’t expect that someone to be Steve.

-

The first time that Steve comes down to his lab Tony doesn’t ignore him, but he doesn’t pay too much attention to him either. He was pretty sure that the good captain was just there to chew him out for something, so he wasn’t eager to see him, but when Steve just plopped himself down on a couch and started _talking_ Tony didn’t know what to do. Steve asked Tony about what he was working on, about what he had eaten, about whether or not he’d slept. It was mundane, and not at all what Tony was expecting from him.

When Steve got up an hour later Tony was still doing his best to ignore him. When Steve came over to him and stuck his hand out, assumedly to shake Tony’s, Tony ignored him even harder.

Steve pulled his hand back quickly when he realized that Tony wasn’t going to shake, and left the room in a huff. Tony couldn’t find it in him to care. He’d already told Steve he didn’t shake hands, and he wasn’t going to change that to conform to Cap’s olden day ways.

-

“Tony,” Steve called over the intercom between Tony’s lab and the door outside it. “Tony, you’ve been down here for eighteen hours.”

“Only eighteen? You waited twenty-four last time.”

“And I shouldn’t have. Tony, open the door.” There was another series of bangs on the opaque glass and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Promise you’re not going to try and shake my hand.” Tony said as he continued typing lines of code.

“Tony,” Steve sighed irritably, and Tony muted the intercom.

“Sir, Captain Rogers is quite insistent that you eat something.” Jarvis said in his usual cool tone, but there was concern laced in his voice that Tony hadn’t programed into him.

“Yeah, yeah, you can let him in as soon as he promises to stop with the grabby hands. I find it offensive.” Tony said matter-of-fact, never turning away from his code.

“Very well, sir.”

A few minutes passed before the door opened and Steve entered grudgingly. Tony half expected the man not to keep his promise, but true to his words, Steve’s hand never asked or tried to steal his.

Steve had made a regular game out of trying to take Tony’s hand. He’d non-too coyly reach into the bowl of popcorn they had on movie nights at the exact moment Tony did, with his right hand, no matter which side of Tony he was sitting on. He’d try and hand Tony things and catch his hand. He even just offered a regular shake every once in a while, despite knowing Tony would refuse. It was unsettling.

Steve had a little scowl on his face that would’ve been precious if he wasn’t Captain America. Tony almost said so but held his tongue, knowing that irritating Steve would probably lead to more grabby hands, and Tony was on a role with this code.

“Bruce made dinner a couple of hours ago. There’s a plate set aside for you if you want it.”

“What, you didn’t bring it to me? I was starting to think you were my courier.”

“You’ve been spending too much time down here, you need to get out.”

“Well, if you’d stop trying to grab me all the time I wouldn’t have to spend so much time down here, now would I?” Tony asked, raising and incredulous eyebrow at Steve.

Steve’s eyes widened in shock and then his mouth turned down at the corners. “That’s why you stay down here? To avoid me?”

“Not to avoid you, just your grabby hands.” Tony didn’t even glance at Steve as he said this, which was a mistake on his part, because he managed to miss Steve coming just a little bit closer.

“I just don’t understand what the problem is, Tony.” Steve was exasperated, but Tony held firm, just like he always did when the had this discussion.

“Cap, the likeliness that we’re soul mates is literally one in 7 billion, more than that for you, since you’ve lived through not one but two centuries. Does it really matter that we’ve never shook hands?”

“Yes!” Steve says, like he always says, and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Just go shake some strangers’ hands. Imagine how thrilled they’ll be to have Captain America as their soul mate.”

“I don’t want a stranger, Tony-,”

Steve made a grab for Tony’s right hand and Tony jumped away from his desk just in time nearly stumbling for his efforts.

“No, Steve.” Tony said with as hard an expression as he could manage. “I don’t shake hands. I don’t touch hands. The only exception is Pepper, but that’s because I accidently grabbed her hand once so I know she’s not it. It was the most terrifying experience I’d ever had shaking someone’s hand.”

Steve’s eyes softened and his lips parted in that “Captain America understands” way, that probably would’ve made a lesser man crumble.

“Tony, it’s just one touch, like you said, we’re probably not, but I need to know,” Steve pleaded and Tony turned away from him, shoving his hand in his pocket.

“Well I don’t.” Tony gave verbal commands to Jarvis to pull up a project that he had been putting off because it was mentally taxing and boring. It was a perfect distraction from Steve “please touch my hand” Rogers.

Steve took the hint and gave up, and when he walked out of the lab the door closed behind him and didn’t open again, even when Steve came back down with the plate that had been set aside for him.

-

Tony started spending more time outside of the tower, doing non-avengers things. He even went to some of those meetings Pepper was always hounding him about. He barely ever saw Steve, and when he did it was in a professional setting, and when Captain America was on duty, Steve Rogers took it upon himself to behave.

Just to be safe Tony always put his hands in his pockets when he had to stand close to Steve.

If Tony thought no one noticed the game of cat and mouse that he and Steve were playing, he was sorely mistaken. In fact, Jarvis had informed him that Clint was taking bets on whether or not it would ever happen, and whether or not they’d be soul mates. Tony found it cruel, but he never said so, just laughed it off when it came up, and maintained that it wasn’t going to happen.

None of them could have guessed the real reason Tony didn’t shake hands. They had passed it off as him being commitment phobic, or just anti-touch. Tony didn’t like to be handed things, and Tony didn’t like to be touched, those were just Tony’s things. None of them thought too deeply about it, and none of them tried to force him to touch their hands, or hand him things, except Steve.

Steve, the stubborn ass that he was, insisted on trying to take Tony’s hands, even at the most inappropriate times. He never even thought that Tony might not want to know that Captain America wasn’t his soul mate. Steve never even though that Tony might not want to have to deal with rejection on a regular basis. Steve, for all his good hearted American glory, never thought that Tony couldn’t stand taking Captain America’s hand, having nothing happen, and know that he wasn’t good enough.

So, Steve, the stubborn ass that he was, was always trying to grab Tony’s hand.

Even the battlefield wasn’t sacred anymore. When Tony had been beaten around badly enough that his right gauntlet had been completely destroyed Steve reached down to grab it like he wasn’t being a complete ass.

“What the hell Rogers.” Tony said, moving his hand out of Steve’s grasp as well as he could. The suit was constricting his motion somewhat, and if Steve was ever going to force his hand, literally, now would be the best time to do it.

"Tony you're hurt!" Steve tried to defend himself and Tony glared. The face plate of the armor was up, so Steve got the full affect.

"Left hand." Tony practically growled, and Steve looked taken aback.

"Tony, your left shoulder is injured, just-,"

"Never mind, I have it," Tony grumbled, turning clumsily onto his side and wrenching himself up, on his right side. It was difficult and painful, putting most of his weight on his gauntlet-less hand, and Tony wouldn’t be surprised if it was sprained somehow. He’d add it to the tab.

“Tony, you don’t have to.”

“No, I _shouldn’t,_ have to, but you are always trying to force yourself on me. How hard would it be to help me up by the forearm Steve? Do you have to humiliate me so badly you’d be willing to do it on the battlefield, while I’m injured? That’s low, Rogers.”

Tony put the face plate down, because no one needed to see the torrents of emotions that were roiling around inside him. He checked the systems, and he cursed lightly when he realized that flying back to the tower wasn’t an option with the damage the suit had sustained, and the missing gauntlet to boot. He’d have to catch a ride on the quinjet, which met even more avoiding Steve, and Tony was _tired._ He didn’t want to avoid Steve. He wouldn’t mind being Steve’s friend if he didn’t have to be on his guard all the time for sneaky attempts at hand holding. He wouldn’t mind being more than friends with Steve, because when Steve wasn’t trying to grab his hand against his will he was funny, and smart, and nice, and if Steve had any other personality quirk Tony would have seriously considered being more than friends with Steve Rogers, but he couldn’t deal with Steve’s weird hand obsession.

“Humiliate- Tony, what are you-“

Tony didn’t give him time to finish his sentence. Instead he, against Jarvis’ institance, flew the short distance to where he could see the clean up already beginning to start, but it was far enough away that Steve wouldn’t follow. Because for all his faults when Tony ran away, Steve never followed.

Maybe he should have.

-

“You should just let him, it’d be easier,” Bruce said as they were working side by side in the lab.

Tony tensed at the thought, but tried not to let Bruce see it. “Brucie Bear, if I break the rules for Steve I have to break them for everyone, and I don’t want to do that. It’s not my fault Steve doesn’t respect personal space.”

“This is about more than space, Tony, and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Tony shrugged off the words, because yes, Tony knew this was about more than just space, but he didn’t want to talk about it. If Tony wanted to talk about his feelings he’d get a therapist. Whether or not he needed one was up for depbate, but the point was Tony didn’t have one, and therefore did not want to talk about his feelings.

“Tony,” Bruce said sternly, and Tony laughed.

“Bruce,” Tony leveled a playful grin at his friend, and Bruce sighed and shook his head.

“If it happens on accident, and it turns out to be nothing you’re going to wish you’d just gotten it over with.” Bruce said as he turned back to his work and Tony went back to his.

“I don’t think so,” Tony said with very little seriousness, but in his head the matter was an entirely serious one. Steve was like Schrodinger’s cat. So long as Tony never touched Steve’s hand, i.e., opened the box, he’d never know if the cat, i.e., the soulmate bond, was dead or not. Until it happened Steve both was, and wasn’t his soul mate, and Tony wasn’t technically rejected. He wasn’t technically accepted either, but semantics, right?

Bruce didn’t add anything after that and they worked in silence, Bruce with his thoughts and Tony with his fears.

-

“Tony, I have a list.” Steve said coming into the kitchen where Tony was sleepily preparing coffee. He didn’t know why he always came to the communal kitchen for his morning cup of Joe. Maybe he just liked to torture himself, who knew? No matter, he was there, and so was Steve, and apparently Steve had a list.

“Of things you googled that you shouldn’t have?” Tony asked, only after he had chugged half of his first mug of coffee.

“Of reasons that we should just touch hands.” Steve clarified, but Tony knew what he was talking about. It was all Steve ever talked about aside form how much he wanted Tony to eat, and sleep and take better care of himself.

“Alright, I’ll listen. You won’t change my mind, but go ahead.” Tony said, deciding that it would be easier to humor him than wait for the next week for Steve to get over his list.

Steve cleared his throat and pulled out his notebook, opening it to a page marked with a ribbon like a teenage girl’s diary. Tony couldn’t help but think that he looked remarkably like a child then, a student about to give a report to the class. He had his game face on, but Steve was obviously nervous.

“We could be soul mates.” Steve started and Tony nodded, not quite sure where Steve was going with this anymore.

“Yeah, that’s generally the consensus Steve. Anything else?”

“If we are soul mates, I’d like to know about it, so that I can treat you like my soul mate.”

“As opposed to the way you treat me when you think I’m not your soul mate, where you regularly disrespect my wishes and attempt to force yourself on me.”

Steve was quiet for a second and then cleared his throat a little. “Yes.” And then he continued like his argument wasn’t falling apart. “We might not be soul mates, and that’s okay, but I want to know that too.”

“Steve, I’m not really seeing reasons here, just general statements about how soulmates work-“

“If you’re not my soul mate I need to know.” Steve cut him off quietly, “because I’m falling for you, and I don’t want to betray my soulmate like that.”

Tony blinked, not really registering what Steve was saying.

“I said-“

“I heard you,” Tony stopped him, because if Steve said it again Tony might faint like an old southern belle.

“Please, Tony,” Steve said after a few seconds of complete silence, and Tony swallowed.

Steve held out his hand, not reaching for Tony’s just holding it in his direction, letting him take it if he wanted to.

Tony was really not excited to see the dead cat when he opened this box.

Tony wasn’t going to let Steve… betray his soulmate… or whatever. If this was that kind of important to Steve Tony would suck it up, and drown himself in a bottle later, when he couldn’t bare the pain of not being good enough, of never being good enough, of always being rejected.

“Don’t tell anyone, I have a reputation to upkeep.” Tony said and Steve’s eyes went wide with surprise and then he watched in awe as Tony extended his hand towards him. Tony hoped that Steve didn’t notice the slight tremor in his usually sure hands. He hoped that Steve didn’t see the anxious beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He hoped that Steve didn’t hear his heart breaking…

Tony hesitated, right before the moment of truth, telling himself it wasn’t too late to go back, but Steve needed this, and Tony was prone to giving Steve everything else that he needed, so why couldn’t he give him this one last thing.

It was everything Tony had to give, and he was giving it to Steve, not because he hoped that they were soul mates and that they could make something work, but because he knew they weren’t. Tony was a war monger, a murderer, a merchant of death. The universe would have to be sick and twisted to force him on Steve Rogers, Captain America, the pinnacle of human perfection.

Tony removed the last few millimeters between their hand quickly, hoping it would be like ripping off a band-aide, and hurt less if it happened all at one.

It was less like the pull of adhesive on skin and more like a slow sweet fire flowing from the place where their hands connected to Tony’s wrist. The sweet burn turned into a sting on the inside of his wrist and for a second Tony thought that it was some kind of sick joke, but then Steve made a noise caught somewhere between a gasp and a whine and Tony was completely aware that it was really happening. For the first time in years he’d touched someone’s hand, and that one time, it was his soul mate. What were the odds? Astronomical, Tony knew, because he’d done the math when he was feeling particularly sadistic. He knew the odds that Steve would be his soulmate down to the twelfth decimal place.

It was more likely for Tony to get struck by lightnign while being attacked by a shark than it was for Steve to be his soul mate.

“Tony,” Steve choked out, and Tony couldn’t look at him, wouldn’t look at him. This had to be the universe playing a trick on him, and also maybe Steve. It was a messed up trick, but it had to be, because-

Steve pulled Tony into a warm embrace, folding Tony in against his solid muscular body, and a part of Tony reveled in the contact, practically purred at the affectionate way Steve drew his hand up and down his back. When that hand tangled itself in Tony’s hair and kissed the top of Tony’s head Tony was flabbergasted.

“Steve, this-“

“Is perfect,” Steve interrupted, pulling away to look Tony straight in the eye. “I know you’ve got a fear of rejection, but I didn’t reject you Tony. The only one who might reject here is you. You can, if you want to, but… I’d prefer that you didn’t.”

“Who could reject Captain America?”

“A billionaire genius philanthropist?” Steve said it like a question, and Tony marveled at the idea.

“Me, reject you? Do I look crazy? Actually, don’t answer that.” Tony pulled a little farther back form Steve, watching him with calculating eyes, making sure that Steve wasn’t just saying this to… appease him, or something else strange like that. “Are you sure, Steve?” Tony asked, a little part of him wondering if maybe Steve was putting to much stock in the soul mate thing, “You know, we don’t have to tell anyone, it won’t look bad on you, because if anyone ever finds out they’ll just assume that I said no, because the whole world knows I’m anti-commitment-“

Steve apparently had heard enough because before Tony could continue trying to convince Steve not to be an idiot, Steve was pulling Tony back in and kissing him like… well, like you’d expect Captain America to kiss. Considerately, and softly, with just a slight edge that hinted that Steve was holding himself back.

It was perfect, if Tony said so himself.

When Steve pulled away it was mostly to let Tony breath, because Steve could probably hold his breath for hours. That had some interested implications, but Tony couldn’t think about that right now because Steve was smiling like Tony was the best thing since sliced bread, and Tony could’ve melted.

He didn’t, because he was a Stark, and Stark men are made of iron and all that jazz, but he could’ve, and that was all that mattered. Steve’s baby blue eyes were looking at Tony like he was the only thing worth looking at, and it was the best thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

It was almost to good to be true.

Almost. Right about then Clint walked in and ruined the moment screaming about how he’d won the pool.

Tony tried not to let him embarrassment show and Steve just pulled him closer, smiling proudly into his hair and keeping his grip on the scientist firm.

He’d waited too long to hold Tony, and he wasn’t going to let go for as long as he could help it.

Later, when they checked, two identical white stars traced in blue would be on the inside of their right wrists, and Steve would kiss Tony’s and Tony would just touch Steve’s because who could have guessed that the universe would be so messed up as to give Steve, the image of perfection, to Tony, who was as imperfect as they came.

A few years later the symbol of their bond would be on the wedding invitations.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For more writing follow me on [ tumblr ](https://anetforceoftonystark.tumblr.com). I'm still building my blog, so there's not a lot there yet, but I'm working on it.  
> Your comments and kudos are appreciated. ^_^


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